No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
only if we run a train.
done.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
