So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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