Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
