The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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