This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
wow bdsm is so cute
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
