I heard we made out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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