I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
