This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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