Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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