Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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