They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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