The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
