No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
