We won't sleep together?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
