How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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