It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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