We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
