Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize