My underwear smells like fireworks.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
