i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
