Where is the hickey?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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