Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
