i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
