I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
