His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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