Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
