how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
