I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
