There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
