Sry I called you an 8
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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