I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
