who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
