She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
