I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
