I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
