miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
