so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
