And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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