there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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