They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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