I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
