I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
