I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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