so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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