so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
