At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
