I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
