remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
