At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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