oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
