is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize