Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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