I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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