This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
