Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize