So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
