i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
