i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
