Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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