Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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