yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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