woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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