i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
