Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
