you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
